Angeli et amici: In Commemoratio S. Benedicti Abbatis

In obedience to the decrees of Urban VIII. of holy memory, I protest that for all miraculous events, visions, apparitions, revelations, graces and incidents ascribed in these e-pistles to certain servants of God, which have not been formally investigated and approved by the Church, they claim no other authority and belief than that which is ordinarily conceded to narratives based upon merely human evidence, and do I in no wise presume to pronounce upon their authenticity or supernatural character; neither to the titles holy or blessed applied to the servants of God not yet canonized, except in cases where these have been confirmed by the Holy Roman Catholic Church and by the Holy Apostolic See, to whose judgment I submit myself and whatever I have written in this e-pistle and of whom I profess myself to be an obedient son.

 

The Holy Hunny Discernment Novena has generated quite a few marvelous miracles which I number among my favorites the following involving one of the delighful dasmels for whom it was originally composed. One night she went dancing and a gracious Galahad optimistically opened with a dashingly disarming "Why are you wearing a quarter around your neck?" The rest, as they say, is history.

 

The "quarter" she was wearing was actually the famous jubilee medal designed in 1880 under the supervision of the monks of Montecassino, Italy, to mark the 1400th anniversary of the birth of Saint Benedict. To liberally and extensively quote from the famous Benedictine Abbey of Collegeville, Minnesota: "The purpose of using the medal is to call down God's blessing and protection upon us, wherever we are, and upon our homes and possessions, especially through the intercession of St. Benedict. By the conscious and devout use of the medal, it becomes, as it were, a constant silent prayer and reminder to us of our dignity as followers of Christ. The medal is a prayer of exorcism against Satan, a prayer for strength in time of temptation, a prayer for peace among ourselves and among the nations of the world, a prayer that the Cross of Christ be our light and guide, a prayer of firm rejection of all that is evil, a prayer of petition that we may with Christian courage 'walk in God's ways, with the Gospel as our guide,' as St. Benedict urges us. A profitable spiritual experience can be ours if we but take the time to study the array of inscriptions and representations found on the two sides of the medal. The lessons found there can be pondered over and over to bring true peace of mind and heart into our lives as we struggle to overcome the weaknesses of our human nature and realize that our human condition is not perfect, but that with the help of God and the intercession of the saints our condition can become better. The Medal of St. Benedict can serve as a constant reminder of the need for us to take up our cross daily and 'follow the true King, Christ our Lord,' and thus learn 'to share in his heavenly kingdom,' as St. Benedict urges us in the Prolog of his Rule."

 

And they also make really neat wedding favors!

 

Mr. Screwtape

Angeli et amici: In festo S. Joseph Sponsi B.M.V. Confessoris, I. classis

Once upon a time in the sweltering summer of 1968 on the storied stoop of a tired tenement that had seen better bucolic days a small group of Puerto Rican migrants gathered to share some company including one very visibly pregnant but quite content young lady. The local boorish busybody impetuously came up and derisively scoffed, "Well there goes another one for Welfare." Forthwith a young, lean and visibly perturbed blue collar worker stood up and quite calmly replied while pointedly holding up his left hand, "Lady, Welfare didn't make that baby, I did!"

The liturgical feast day of Saint Joseph, glorious patron of the Church Universal and after whom the above proud parental protagonist (may his memory be eternal) was named after, in many Catholic countries and territories including Spain, Portugal, Liechtenstein, Canton Tincino of Switzerland, Honduras, Bolivia, Antwerp in Belgium, Andorra, and, last but not least especially in terms of this present e-pistle, Italy is designated and dignified in the civil order and properly culturally celebrated as "Father's Day".

In this year of grace 2013 this feast takes upon an additionally appropriate avocation as the day which the former Jorge Mario Cardinal Bergoglio formally and liturgically inaugurates his ministry as Bishop of Rome, Vicar of Jesus Christ, Successor of the Prince of the Apostles, Supreme Pontiff of the Universal Church, Primate of Italy, Archbishop and Metropolitan of the Roman Province, Sovereign of the State of Vatcian City, Servant of the Servants of God, the one and only Holy Father, Pope Francis the First. In this annoying age of sanctimonious social media there are a myriad of many voluminously vociferous voices exhaustingly expostulating obnoxious opinions both dexter and sinister and everywhere in between on the choice of the College of Cardinals in Sacred Conclave. It is not the pious place of this twerpy typist to engage such nutty nonsense (especially since one is having such a decidedly difficult time locating Albegensiens, those fun friends of Saint Dominic, to participate in pilgrimage to the feet of the first Pope who is a son of Saint Ignatius). Suffice it to say that we should fasten our seatbelts as this will be a very interesting Pontificate guiding the Barque of Peter. Perhaps the clearest indication would be the old sacristan's proverb, "A good Jesuit liturgy is one where nobody gets hurt!"

V. Oremus pro Pontifice nostro Francisco. R. Dominus conservet eum, et vivificet eum, et beatum faciat eum in terra, et non tradat eum in animam inimicorum eius. [Ps 40:3]   

Deus, omnium fidelium pastor et rector, famulum tuum Francisco, quem pastorem Ecclesiae tuae praeesse voluisti, propitius respice: da ei, quaesumus, verbo et exemplo, quibus praeest, proficere: ut ad vitam, una cum grege sibi credito, perveniat sempiternam. Per Christum, Dominum nostrum. Amen.

 

V. Let us pray for Francis, our Pope. R. May the Lord preserve him, and give him life, and make him blessed upon the earth, and deliver him not up to the will of his enemies. [Ps 40:3]

O God, Shepherd and Ruler of all Thy faithful people, look mercifully upon Thy servant Francis, whom Thou hast chosen as shepherd to preside over Thy Church. Grant him, we beseech Thee, that by his word and example, he may edify those over whom he hath charge, so that together with the flock committed to him, may he attain everlasting life. Through Christ our Lord. Amen.

 

 Mr. Screwtape

Angeli et amici: In Dominica IV in Quadragesima seu Lætáre

A quiet revival undertaken during the recently concluded eight year reign of Benedict XVI was that of the beautiful bestowal of the Golden Rose, which is customarily blessed by the Roman Pontiff on Laetare Sunday, the fourth Sunday in Lent. While now generally conferred on shrines, in its most recent history it was given as a token of the Pope's esteem and paternal affection to Catholic royalty, particularly the ladies viz., princesses, queens and emperesses. Which, of course, brings us naturally to Mother's Day and no, not the one started by Anna Jarvis.

 

Mothering Sunday, the affectionate appellation arriving from the United Kingdom, developed from the late Medieval English custom of apprentices and young servants being given leave and returning home to visit one's mother church, that is the one where they were baptized, on Mid-Lent Sunday. The intriguingly illuminating Introit of the Mass provides the liturgical foundations for the obliging observance: "Rejoice, O Jerusalem, and come together, all you who love her: rejoice with joy, you who have been in sorrow: that you may exult, and be filled from the breasts of your consolation. Psalm: I rejoiced because they said to me, We will go up to the house of the Lord." Obviously since they made the journey to their hometown and with maternal imagery appearing again in the epistle read at Mass the youngesters positively paid an especial visit of gracious gratitude to their mothers in the natural order. Often the employer would provide the lad or lass with some spare shillings to provide for some fresh flowers or the classic confection forever associated with this day, also known as Refreshment Sunday, simnel cake. The fruity fare is topped generally by eleven marizpan balls representing the Apostolic College (obviously minus the Iscariot), although this accidental allegorical accretion has been decried by some as a vicious Victorian versimilitude. While its origin has been tried to be connected to pardoned prentender to the throne (because he was a then ten year pliant puppet of Yorkist rebels) and royal baker Lambert Simnel this theory unravels almost as quickly the unfortunate usurpation since simnel cakes are mentioned in literature a few centuries previous. The medieval Oxford philogist John de Garlandia posits that the name most likely derives from the Latin word 'simila' meaning fine, of course refering to the white flour used in the mix and possibly to the rich ingredients found in the recipe. Another legend surrounding the precocious pastry eaten on the Sunday of the Five Loaves suggests that the name came from a sister (Nell) and brother (Simon) who wanted to make a cake for their mother. One wanted to bake the cake, the other to boil it. They decided to do both and bring them together in one which became the Simnel Cake. Decisively dumping these meandering musings let us turn to that vivaciously virile vicar of Dean Prior in Devonshire, Robert Herrick, for the last word on this essentially ecclessiastical marvelous Matronalia:

I'll to thee a Simnell bring,

'Gainst thou go'st a-mothering,

So that when she blesses thee

Half that blessing thou'lt give me.

Mr. Screwtape

Angeli et amici: In festo S. Casimiri Confessoris

Upon the vacancy of the throne of Saint Peter most members of the Roman Curia also temporarily lose their offices (technically more like a furlough) except, in virtue of the overriding pastoral care of Christ's flock and the precious patrimony of the Church, the Cardinal Camerlengo of the Holy Roman Church, the Cardinal Vicar for the Diocese of Rome, the Cardinal Vicar for Vatican City State, the Cardinal Major Penitentiary, and last but not least the Cardinal-in pecctore of the Secretly Clandestine Sacred Congregation of Indulgent Indulgences! So therefore.....

 

In light of the high regard in which We hold the Lithuanian and Polish nations and consequent diaspora, a modest modifying mitigation of the the Lenten discipline is granted the esteemed readership of these e-pistles upon the fourth day of March, feast day of the pious prince Kazimierz to pleasantly partake of generous helpings of piquant kielbasa.

 

Additionally all are encouraged to attend a Kaziuko muge, a traditional motley street fair that includes mostly hand made goods from local craftsmen, such as apparel, knitted clothes, footwear, toys, utensils, metal craftings, souvenirs, paintings, as well as foodstuffs, mainly rye bread, bagels, honey cookies, meat and diary products, natural honey, beer and kvas (a fermented beverage made from black or regular rye bread). "Palm" bouquets (called "verbos" from Verbų sekmadienis) are one of the fair's specialties. Made of colourful dried flowers and herbs, they are taken to churches on Palm Sunday. The shape of the "palms" resembles a lily, which symbolize the virginity, innocence, and purity of St. Casimir. Another typical product of the fair is called "muginukas", an often heart-shaped honey cookie, decorated with colored sugar flowers, zig-zags, dots and birds. Popular men’s and women’s names are written on the cookies which people buy and give to selected loved ones. But since a short side trip to Vilnius is probably out of the question for most and the precious church on Broome Street near Varick that was built in 1909 by an enclave of Lithuanian longshoremen and their families (who lived in the area in one family homes before the construction of the Holland Tunnel unfortunately uprooted them) has since been canonically closed we simply share a reliable recipe for the scrumptious muginukas:

1 cup honey

3 eggs

3 tbsps. sugar

3 tbsp. cream

4 oz. butter

1/2 teaspoon cinnamon

1/4 tsp. cloves

1 tsp. baking powder

1/2 tsp. baking soda

2 cups flour

Cream eggs with sugar, pour in honey, melted (cooled) butter, spices and cream. Blend well. Mix the flour with baking soda and the baking powder, stir into the other ingredients. Knead dough until it does not stick to hands anymore. Cover and refrigerate about half hour. Roll out on floured surface; cut out hearts with a cookie cutter or make your own pattern (especially if you want to make big hearts). Bake at 350 until golden brown (about 10-15 min.). Decorate after the cookie cools completely.

 

Then discharge the divine duty to devoutly devour the delightful delicacy!

 

Mr. Screwtape

Angeli et amici: Apostolica Sedes Vacans

The Piña colada owes its jolly genesis to my beloved ancestral homeland, the "Emerald Isle of the Caribbean", La Isla del Encanto, la ultima colonia de los Estados Unidos! (sorry, silly survival of socialism sympathy during my sophomore year of high school), Puerto Rico. While some tall tales trace it back to the legendary Robin Hood-esque pirate of Austrian descent from the coastal town of Cabo Rojo, Roberto Cofresí its true origins lie in the Twentieth Century. Our story takes place on August 16, 1954 at the Caribe Hilton’s Beachcomber Bar in San Juan, Puerto Rico and is protagonized by one of its employees, its alleged creator, Ramón "Monchito" Marrero. Apparently, the hotel management had expressly requested Monchito to mix a new marquee drink that would delight the demanding palates of its star-studded clientele. Monchito accepted the challenge, and after three intense months of blending, shaking and experimenting, the first piña colada was born. This story is apparently credible (so sayeth my sources) because the piña colada contains coconut cream as one of the primary ingredients, and the coconut cream of "Coco Lopez" (which is the primary pioneer) was invented in 1954 in the University of Puerto Rico by Ramón López Irizarry. This story is confirmed by José L. Díaz De Villegas in his book published by La Editorial de la Universidad de Puerto Rico entitled appropriately enough: "Puerto Rico La Gran Cocina Del Caribe".

 

In addition to the gorgeous goblet which is it sublime signature, its appropriately appealing accessory is that unabashedly ubiquitous little umbrella. Oh! You're absolutely correct, that before taking another sumptuous sip we should recite this little prayer: O Lord, with suppliant humility, we entreat Thee, that in Thy boundless mercy Thou wouldst grant the most Holy Roman Church a pontiff, who by his zeal for us, may be pleasing to Thee, and by his good government may be ever honored by Thy people for the glory of Thy name. Through Our Lord Jesus Christ, Thy Son who with Thee livest and reignest world without end. Amen.

Mr. Screwtape