Angeli et amici: In festo S. Aloisii Gonzagae Confessoris

One day Monsignor was visiting one of his parishioners, and, asking about her teenage son, discovered that she was worried about what career he would choose. The priest said he could tell by a simple test. He put on the coffee table a Bible, a wallet, and a bottle of scotch.

"If he chooses the Bible," the priest told her, "that's a sign he's destined for the priesthood. If he chooses the wallet, he's called to be a banker. And if he chooses the bottle of scotch, he's bound to become a Bowery bum."

The teenager came in and the priest told him he could have any object on the table. The boy picked up all three.

"Oh no!" the priest exclaimed. "He's going to be a Jesuit!"

The first day of summer presents itself as optimally suited for musing upon the mystery of vocation. Personally profound, indeed indelibly etched deeply upon one's memory as if chiseled into granite , was one's meditation difficultly discerning the true voice of the Divinity above a confusing and crushing cacophony that occurred on the feast of Saint Aloysius Gonzaga. Saint Aloysius, as we recount from approved sources, was the eldest son of Ferdinand Gonzaga, Marquis of Castiglione, and was born on the 9th of March, 1568. The first words he pronounced were the holy names of Jesus and Mary. In liege service to Philip II of Spain (after whom a vary tasty brandy is named after, by the way) his father destined little Louie  for the military. At the age of five, Aloysius was sent to a military camp to get started on his career. His father was pleased to see his son marching around camp at the head of a platoon of soldiers. His mother was less pleased with the vocabulary he picked up there. At the age of 8, he was sent to receive further education and serve at the court of the Grand Duke Francesco I de' Medici. While there, he fell ill with a disease of the kidneys, which was to trouble him throughout his life. While he was ill, he took the opportunity to read about the saints and to spend much of his time in prayer. When he was nine years of age he made a vow of perpetual virginity, and by a special grace was always exempted from temptations against purity. A few years later he received his First Communion at the hands of Saint Charles Borromeo. At an early age, even though he had been appointed a Page in the Spanish Court (pass the bottle of Felipe Segundo, please) he resolved to leave the world, and in a vision was directed by our Blessed Lady to join the Society of Jesus. The Saint’s mother rejoiced on learning his determination to become a religious, but his father for three years refused his consent. At length Saint Aloysius obtained permission and entered the novitiate on Saint Catherine's Day, 1585. He pronounced his vows after two years, and studied, as was customary, philosophy and theology (Philip was by this time preoccupied with a little problem with Merry Ole England which is basically irrelevant to this story except as an excuse for another sip of brandy). A fervent penitent at all times, Aloysius was accustomed to say that he doubted whether without penance grace could continue to make headway against nature, which, when not afflicted and chastised, tends gradually to relapse into its unredeemed state, and thereby loses the habit of suffering. “I am a crooked piece of iron,” he said, “and have come into religion to be made straight by the hammer of mortification and penance.” During his last year of theology a pernicious plague broke out in Rome. The saintly scholastic offered himself for the service of the sick, and was accepted for the dangerous duty. Several of the religious contracted the frightful fever, and Aloysius was among them. He was at the point of death but recovered, only to relapse a little later into a slow fever, which after three months his fragile health could no longer resist. He died at the age of twenty-three, after receiving the sweet consolations of the Last Rites from the hands of Saint Robert Bellarmine,  repeating the Holy Name of Jesus, a little after midnight between the 20th and 21st of June, on the octave day of Corpus Christi. During the Roaring Twenties Pope Pius XI declared Aloysius Gonzaga the celestial patron of all Christian youth.

Therefore we make our own the words of the liturgical collect supposing that most have not maintained his innocence,yet we may imitate his penance.

Guess one should also give back that bottle of scotch.....

Mr. Screwtape

Angeli et amici: In festo S. Joseph Sponsi B.M.V. Confessoris, I. classis

Once upon a time in the sweltering summer of 1968 on the storied stoop of a tired tenement that had seen better bucolic days a small group of Puerto Rican migrants gathered to share some company including one very visibly pregnant but quite content young lady. The local boorish busybody impetuously came up and derisively scoffed, "Well there goes another one for Welfare." Forthwith a young, lean and visibly perturbed blue collar worker stood up and quite calmly replied while pointedly holding up his left hand, "Lady, Welfare didn't make that baby, I did!"

The liturgical feast day of Saint Joseph, glorious patron of the Church Universal and after whom the above proud parental protagonist (may his memory be eternal) was named after, in many Catholic countries and territories including Spain, Portugal, Liechtenstein, Canton Tincino of Switzerland, Honduras, Bolivia, Antwerp in Belgium, Andorra, and, last but not least especially in terms of this present e-pistle, Italy is designated and dignified in the civil order and properly culturally celebrated as "Father's Day".

In this year of grace 2013 this feast takes upon an additionally appropriate avocation as the day which the former Jorge Mario Cardinal Bergoglio formally and liturgically inaugurates his ministry as Bishop of Rome, Vicar of Jesus Christ, Successor of the Prince of the Apostles, Supreme Pontiff of the Universal Church, Primate of Italy, Archbishop and Metropolitan of the Roman Province, Sovereign of the State of Vatcian City, Servant of the Servants of God, the one and only Holy Father, Pope Francis the First. In this annoying age of sanctimonious social media there are a myriad of many voluminously vociferous voices exhaustingly expostulating obnoxious opinions both dexter and sinister and everywhere in between on the choice of the College of Cardinals in Sacred Conclave. It is not the pious place of this twerpy typist to engage such nutty nonsense (especially since one is having such a decidedly difficult time locating Albegensiens, those fun friends of Saint Dominic, to participate in pilgrimage to the feet of the first Pope who is a son of Saint Ignatius). Suffice it to say that we should fasten our seatbelts as this will be a very interesting Pontificate guiding the Barque of Peter. Perhaps the clearest indication would be the old sacristan's proverb, "A good Jesuit liturgy is one where nobody gets hurt!"

V. Oremus pro Pontifice nostro Francisco. R. Dominus conservet eum, et vivificet eum, et beatum faciat eum in terra, et non tradat eum in animam inimicorum eius. [Ps 40:3]   

Deus, omnium fidelium pastor et rector, famulum tuum Francisco, quem pastorem Ecclesiae tuae praeesse voluisti, propitius respice: da ei, quaesumus, verbo et exemplo, quibus praeest, proficere: ut ad vitam, una cum grege sibi credito, perveniat sempiternam. Per Christum, Dominum nostrum. Amen.

 

V. Let us pray for Francis, our Pope. R. May the Lord preserve him, and give him life, and make him blessed upon the earth, and deliver him not up to the will of his enemies. [Ps 40:3]

O God, Shepherd and Ruler of all Thy faithful people, look mercifully upon Thy servant Francis, whom Thou hast chosen as shepherd to preside over Thy Church. Grant him, we beseech Thee, that by his word and example, he may edify those over whom he hath charge, so that together with the flock committed to him, may he attain everlasting life. Through Christ our Lord. Amen.

 

 Mr. Screwtape

Angeli et amici: In festo S. Casimiri Confessoris

Upon the vacancy of the throne of Saint Peter most members of the Roman Curia also temporarily lose their offices (technically more like a furlough) except, in virtue of the overriding pastoral care of Christ's flock and the precious patrimony of the Church, the Cardinal Camerlengo of the Holy Roman Church, the Cardinal Vicar for the Diocese of Rome, the Cardinal Vicar for Vatican City State, the Cardinal Major Penitentiary, and last but not least the Cardinal-in pecctore of the Secretly Clandestine Sacred Congregation of Indulgent Indulgences! So therefore.....

 

In light of the high regard in which We hold the Lithuanian and Polish nations and consequent diaspora, a modest modifying mitigation of the the Lenten discipline is granted the esteemed readership of these e-pistles upon the fourth day of March, feast day of the pious prince Kazimierz to pleasantly partake of generous helpings of piquant kielbasa.

 

Additionally all are encouraged to attend a Kaziuko muge, a traditional motley street fair that includes mostly hand made goods from local craftsmen, such as apparel, knitted clothes, footwear, toys, utensils, metal craftings, souvenirs, paintings, as well as foodstuffs, mainly rye bread, bagels, honey cookies, meat and diary products, natural honey, beer and kvas (a fermented beverage made from black or regular rye bread). "Palm" bouquets (called "verbos" from Verbų sekmadienis) are one of the fair's specialties. Made of colourful dried flowers and herbs, they are taken to churches on Palm Sunday. The shape of the "palms" resembles a lily, which symbolize the virginity, innocence, and purity of St. Casimir. Another typical product of the fair is called "muginukas", an often heart-shaped honey cookie, decorated with colored sugar flowers, zig-zags, dots and birds. Popular men’s and women’s names are written on the cookies which people buy and give to selected loved ones. But since a short side trip to Vilnius is probably out of the question for most and the precious church on Broome Street near Varick that was built in 1909 by an enclave of Lithuanian longshoremen and their families (who lived in the area in one family homes before the construction of the Holland Tunnel unfortunately uprooted them) has since been canonically closed we simply share a reliable recipe for the scrumptious muginukas:

1 cup honey

3 eggs

3 tbsps. sugar

3 tbsp. cream

4 oz. butter

1/2 teaspoon cinnamon

1/4 tsp. cloves

1 tsp. baking powder

1/2 tsp. baking soda

2 cups flour

Cream eggs with sugar, pour in honey, melted (cooled) butter, spices and cream. Blend well. Mix the flour with baking soda and the baking powder, stir into the other ingredients. Knead dough until it does not stick to hands anymore. Cover and refrigerate about half hour. Roll out on floured surface; cut out hearts with a cookie cutter or make your own pattern (especially if you want to make big hearts). Bake at 350 until golden brown (about 10-15 min.). Decorate after the cookie cools completely.

 

Then discharge the divine duty to devoutly devour the delightful delicacy!

 

Mr. Screwtape

Angeli et amici: In festo Sancti Dávidis a Cambriae

Now mind you, I have absolutely positively nothing against Memorial Sloan-Kettering Cancer Center and its "Cycle for Survival" (whatever frivolous fundraising function that might be) but on the first of March the Empire State Building should not be lit orange/orange/orange but rather green/red/white in honor of the Welsh nation on the occasion of its patronal feast, St. David of Wales.

 

From the venerable and veracious Catholic Encyclopedia: "Bishop and Confessor, patron of Wales. He is usually represented standing on a little hill, with a dove on his shoulder. From time immemorial the Welsh have worn a leek on St. David's day, in memory of a battle against the Saxons, at which it is said they wore leeks in their hats, by St. David's advice, to distinguish them from their enemies. He is commemorated on 1 March. The earliest mention of St. David is found in a tenth-century manuscript Of the "Annales Cambriae", which assigns his death to A.D. 601. Many other writers, from Geoffrey of Monmouth down to Father Richard Stanton, hold that he died about 544, but their opinion is based solely on data given in various late "lives" of St. David, and there seems no good reason for setting aside the definite statement of the "Annales Cambriae", which is now generally accepted. Little else that can claim to be historical is known about St. David. The tradition that he was born at Henvynyw (Vetus-Menevia) in Cardiganshire is not improbable. He was prominent at the Synod of Brevi (Llandewi Brefi in Cardiganshire), which has been identified with the important Roman military station, Loventium. Shortly afterwards, in 569, he presided over another synod held at a place called Lucus Victoriae. He was Bishop (probably not Archbishop) of Menevia, the Roman port Menapia in Pembrokeshire, later known as St. David's, then the chief point of departure for Ireland. St. David was canonized by Pope Callistus II in the year 1120. This is all that is known to history about the patron of Wales. His legend, however, is much more elaborate, and entirely unreliable."

 

So simply skipping over the pious premise that he was an uncle to King Arthur and other inventive inaccuracies meant to support the claims of the Welsh episcopate's independence from the see of St. Augustine at Canterbury let us turn quickly to a couple of cute and quaint customs (mainly culinary) wherein devotedly and domestically this feast may be solemnized.  Firstly we have the delightfully dainty daffodil, Amaryllidoideae Narcissus, the Welsh national flower, which is worn on this day. Not only is particularly prettier (confer its scientific name above) it will not be maliciously malodorous in complete contradistinction to other the national emblem, which appeared on the coronation gown of Queen Elizabeth II, the Amaryllidaceae Allioideae, the lavishly lovely leek. Whichever variety of vegetation is victorious in completing one's holy haberdashery an entertaining extension of this delicious devotion would be to grow the particular plant at least in pot on the windowsill. Those with a modest modicum of artistic ability may daringly draw and decorate said conventional containers cleverly with vicarious visuals such as the Flag of Wales and the Flag of Saint David. Then there are totally tasty treats, the recipes which are available on wales.com, such as Cawl, a traditional Welsh soup; Bara Brith, a rich fruit loaf made with tea (sometimes known as 'speckled bread'); Glamorgan Sausages; Welsh Rarebit;and the scone-like Welsh Cakes.

 

Of course one can simply refresh the palate with a potent pint of Welsh Ale that might be making the rounds for the national day. After dropping off a big box of leeks at 350 Fifth Avenue.

Mr. Screwtape

Angeli et amici: Tértio Nonas Januárii-Sanctæ Genovéfæ Vírginis

The third of January is a green letter day in Sister Screwtape’s Select Seminary for the Sanctification of Souls as it is the name day of an original esteemed recipient of these eccentric e-pistles. 

The Legend of the Patron Saint of the city of Paris indicates that as a young maiden she was consecrated to the Lord Christ by the holy Germanus, bishop of Auxerre and that through the ardent supplications of the pious Virgin the barbaric forces of the so-called Scourge of God and his Huns were repelled. Similarly the subject of this roast, sorry I really meant to say “toast”, was dedicated to the will of Divine Providence by means of The Holy Hunny Discernment Novena by the bearded boy bishop of Ten Eleven therefore she is in joyful felicity addressed with the appellation of Matron (and may she happily persist in said state for many more decades since among the many admirable qualities of her Prince, who hopefully by this time is able to distinguish between a numismatic representation of the Father of Occidental Monasticism and the Father of our Country, is numbered that fact that he is a great cook!) and in this Autumn just passed she and her dashing groom joyfully brought a blessed bundle to the regenerative waters of a hallowed font that is much storied (included in that number is an annoyingly alliterative acolyte). 

Also in imitation of her holy patroness, the emerald eyed seraph is in the forefront of the rogational resistance to the impious inheritors of the malicious mantle of Attila, which, in the month of the god with two faces viz. Janus, means the supremely sorrowful fortieth anniversary of an infamous intervention of the supreme black-robed platonic guardians of this land that all true children of Holy Mother Church in virtue of the sacrament of Confirmation wherein the Third Person of the Blessed Trinity has constituted them the Church Militant have an imperative duty to defy.

So as we begin this new year that was not prognosticated by poor pagan Mayans, remembering that our true homeland is the celestial Jerusalem and that we are passing through a valley of tears, don’t forget to enjoy that second slice of name day chocolate cake!

Mr. Screwtape

Angei et amici: In festo B. Mariae Virginis Divinae Providentiae Matris, Sabbato ante Dominica III Novembris

Back in the bad old days when the East Village was a dangerous place to grow up but still a neighborhood to raise a family, a little lad six years old, maybe six and a half, first had his heart stolen. She was a vivacious brunette, perhaps auburn if memory serves one correctly, with round bright eyes and an infectious smile. Her name was "Provi", short for Providencia the patroness of Puerto Rico.

The name and worship of Our Lady of the Divine Providence originated in Italy in the thirteenth century. It was a very popular devotion which later passed to Spain, where a shrine was built in Tarragona, Catalonia. When Gil Esteve Tomas, a Catalan, was named bishop of Puerto Rico, he brought with him this devotion which he had become acquainted with during his seminary years. The bishop had to place his diocese in the hands of Divine Providence, for he found the cathedral nearly in ruins and the finances of the diocese in similar condition. The bishop's trust and work bore fruit quickly; in less than five years the cathedral church had been restored, and immediately worship of the Virgin of Providence was established there. The original image, venerated by the Servants of Mary, and other Italian religious orders and saints, was a beautiful oil painting in which the Virgin is shown with the Divine Child sleeping peacefully in her arms. The title "Of Divine Providence" has been attributed to St. Philip Benicio, fifth superior of the Servants of Mary. On a day when his friars had nothing to eat, having invoked the help of the Virgin, he found, at the door of the convent, two baskets full of food whose origin could not be found. The image that Don Gil Esteve ordered was carved in Barcelona according to the prevailing taste. It is a handsome seated figure, made to be dressed, and it was in the cathedral sixty-seven years, until 1920 when it was replaced by a magnificent all wood carving, which is the image of Our Lady of Divine Providence most familiar and best known to the Puerto Rican communities. Mary leans over the Child, who in an attitude of complete trust sleeps peacefully on her lap. The Virgin's hands are folded in prayer while she gently supports her Son's left hand. The whole carving suggests tenderness, abandonment, devotion and peace. Pope Paul VI, by a decree signed on November 19, 1969, declared Our Lady Mother of Divine Providence principal patroness of the island of Puerto Rico. In this document it was also decreed that the Virgin's solemnity be transferred from January 2 to November 19, the day that the island was discovered. The intention was to join together the two great loves of the Puerto Ricans: love of their gorgeous island and love for the Mother of God.

With humble and happy heart one sincerely shares a pious project to promote "La Providencia": On Saturday, November 17th The Society of Saint Hugh of Cluny invites you to the First Annual Hispanic Heritage Pilgrimage In Honor Of Our Lady of Divine Providence Patroness of Puerto Rico. Solemn Mass in the Extraordinary Form at 10 AM at The Church of Saint Catherine of Genoa Between Amsterdam & Broadway 506 West 153rd Street New York, NY 10031 Followed by a visit to The Hispanic Society of America located on Audubon Terrace, Broadway between 155 and 156 Streets.

To get back to the top of this e-pistle.......a Catholic gentleman would never kiss and tell!

Mr. Screwtape