Angeli et amici: In festo S. Raphaelis Archangeli

A long time ago, in an eparchy far, far away (well, across the East River anyway) one noticed an insignificant incident. After Dominical Divine Liturgy it was customary to have coffee and cake in the parish hall. It was time for cleanup and one of the curates began custodial duties. Then it happened! Not exactly sure what happened but something happened. One was to far away to hear distinctly but the image was indelibly etched. Apparently he was doing something wrong (could have been not separating recyclables) and the little old ladies of the parish were all over him proffering correction. 

So a tantalizingly true theophany came a-tinkling: "When a man enters the priesthood he doesn't give up the opportunity to have a wife....he gets the whole holy hen coop!"

Three, two, one.....

Now that I've safely ducked a few flying frying pans let me get to the point of this e-pistle. Often this little altar boy is sought out as a thesaurus theological trivia. Not a few delightfully dashing distaff and devout damsels some moons back piously petitioned this annoyingly alliterative acolyte to reveal who among the blessed in the celestial court would be the most potent intercessor before the terrible throne of the Trinity in the weighty matter of the sacred selection of a spouse. So that got me a-thinking and a-praying.

Thus the religious result was Mister Screwtape's Official Holy Hunny Discernment Novena! (*Imprimatur pending)

Therefore if anyone, whether devoutly discerning or pious proxy, desires to pray the miracle-working Novena (there are at least three marriages that can be credited to it, but that's a story for another day) just drop an e-mail to: mr.screwtape1011@yahoo.com 

Mr. Screwtape

Angeli et amici: In festo S. Teresiae Virginis

Rather than basically bore you with an extended exposition of the Glory of Spain's mystical thought on the ascent of the soul in four stages, namely first, "mental prayer", second the "prayer of quiet", third the "devotion of union" and finally and fourthly the "devotion of ecstasy or rapture", I thought it best to piously present a votive vignette which impeccably illustrates the heights and depths of her tantalizing theology. One day in a silent stairway of a cloistered convent in Ávila the Reverend Mother encountered a bright beautiful little Boy devoutly descending the stone steps Who asked her name. She answered astutely: "Yo soy Teresa de Jesús." Without missing a sacred Heartbeat, He replied: "And I Am ... Jesús de Teresa!"   (pronounce it "Hey-SOOS [pause] de TE-re-sssa" for optimal effect)  Mr. Screwtape

Angeli et amici: Domina Nostra Beatae Mariae Virginis sub titulo a Pilaris

Whether you religiously, respectfully and rightfully call it Columbus Day, Día de la Raza, Discovery Day, Día de la Hispanidad, or Día de las Américas, or are mired in Marxist misanthropic misappellation such as Día del Respeto a la Diversidad Cultural,  Día de la Resistencia Indígena, Día de las Culturas, or International Day of Solidarity with Indigenous People it was first and forever will be the day dedicated to the patron saint of the Spanish Civil Guard and of all Hispanic peoples throughout the globe: Our Lady of the Pillar.

From a particularly pious source comes the true tale of Fourteen Ninety Two when Columbus sailed the Ocean Blue. "Knowing that a plenary indulgence would be gained by all who received Holy Communion on the Feast of Our Lady of the Angels, August second, the courageous explorer-missioner chose that date for his departure. Every one of the crew approached the Communion rail that morning and, after invoking the protection of the Queen of Heaven, they set out for a historic destiny. The men suffered considerably from the grueling experience of being many weeks at sea in the turbulence of unknown waters. Fear and uncertainty began to take hold of them. Two months passed and still there was no land to be seen. The crew grew all the more restless and insisted that their captain return back. Still confident, however, Columbus countered their fears with a proposition: If no land were sighted by the Feast of Our Lady of the Pillar, October twelfth, he would reverse their course. This was a persuasive appeal even to these much frightened Iberian sailors, because the Feast commemorated the day on which the Blessed Virgin appeared to Saint James the Greater, Apostle of Spain, and reassured him that, in spite of his apparent failure in that country, his work eventually would bring forth tremendous fruits for the Church. The men agreed to this offer, and as a reward for their faith, land was sighted — on the very day of the great Feast."

Not to mention that it is also the day that marks the end of the Spanish bullfighting season. ¡Olé!'

Mr. Screwtape

Angeli et amici: In Dedicatione S. Michaelis Archangelis, kalendaris antiqua reformata

Botryotinia, thus spake Wikipedia, is a genus of ascomycete fungi causing several plant diseases. The anamorphs of Botryotinia are mostly included in the imperfect fungi genus Botrytis. The genus contains 22 species and one hybrid. Plant diseases caused by Botryotinia species appear primarily as blossom blights and fruit rots but also as leaf spots and bulb rots in the field and in stored products. The fungi induce host cell death resulting in progressive decay of infected plant tissue, whence they take nutrients. Sexual reproduction takes place with ascospores produced in apothecia while conidia are the means of asexual reproduction. Sclerotia of plano-convexoid shape are typical. Some species also cause damping off, killing seeds or seedlings during or before germination. Botrytis cinerea is an important species for wine industry as well as horticulture. Other economically important species include Botryotinia convoluta (the type species of the genus), Botryotinia polyblastis, Botrytis allii and Botrytis fabae.
After the United Kingdom finally caught up to the rest of Christendom by adopting the Gregorian calendar reform in AD 1752, some activities traditionally associated with Michaelmas Day (29 September) moved forward a fortnight to 11 October. Old Michaelmas Day, then, was said to be the last day that blackberries should be picked as fabulous folklore in Merrie Olde England relates and regales that it was on this day that the despicable Devil was kindly kicked out of holy Heaven. On his way down in his dastardly descent, the irascible Old Nick is said to have landed on a blackberry bush, subsequently cursing the prickly berries, scorching them with his fiery breath, stamping and spitting upon them. In other legends perhaps best recounted by the ever so gracious groundlings, he urinates on them. In any event, the old saying rings true as blackberries are way past their best by October. There is quaint kernel of veracity behind this loving legend as wetter and cooler weather often allows blackberries to become infected by various molds which give the fruit an unpleasant look and may be toxic, such as the above mentioned Botryotinia.

At least that is one less threat to the shares of Research In Motion.

Mr. Screwtape

Angeli et amici: In festis S. Birgittae Viduae

Many people are quite familiar with the diminutive devotional paperback prayer pamphlet with the pious picture of Michelangelo's Pieta which leads off with the (sometimes simultaneously) inspirational and infamous Magnificent Fifteen Prayers of Saint Bridget of Sweden. Of course any contentious controversy can be quietly and quickly definitively dispelled by flipping open a convenient copy of the Acta Apostolicae Sedis and looking up the following Monitum from the Congregation of the Holy Office: In aliquibus locis divulgatum est opusculum quoddam, cui titulus "SECRETUM FELICITATIS - Quindecim orationes a Domino S. Birgittae in ecclesia S. Pauli, Romae, revelatae", Niceae ad Varum (et alibi), variis linguis editum. Cum vero in eodem libello asseratur S. Birgittae quasdam promissiones a Deo fuisse factas, de quarum origine supernaturali nullo modo constat, caveant Ordinarii locorum ne licentiam concedant edendi vel denuo impremendi opuscula vel scripta quae praedictas promissiones continent. Datum Romae, ex Aedibus S. Officii, die 28 Ianuarii 1954.

In some places, a certain little work has been disseminated called the "Secret of Happiness: 15 Prayers Revealed by the Lord to St. Bridget in the Church of St. Paul at Rome", published at Nice and various other places in several languages. Since it is asserted in this pamphlet that God made to St. Bridget certain promises, whose supernatural origin in no way stands up, let local ordinaries take care not to grant permission for publishing or reprinting pamphlets or other writings which contain these aforementioned promises. Given at Rome, from the offices of the Holy Office, 28 , January 1954. 

All this rabid research sure gives one a holy hankering for some satisfying snacking.

The Order of the Most Holy Savior founded in the year 1370 by St. Birgitta of Sweden, which keeps (along with the Extraordinary Form) the eighth of October as the feast of the Mother Foundress on the anniversary of her 1391 canonization by Pope Boniface IX, follows a style of life that is monastic, according to the Rule of St. Augustine, and given to prayer, contemplation and withdrawal from the mainstream of the activities of society. The life of a Brigittine Monk has its strength in the spirit of the intimate union with Christ through the daily prayers which the community offers for itself and for all mankind, especially for the unity of all Christians. Following an ancient Brigittine tradition, the community also carries on a continual crusade of prayer for the souls in purgatory and the conversion of sinners. The Community attempts to be self supporting by work done at the monastery and not engaging in types of work that may not be done within the enclosure. 

In the Monastery located in the lush Willamette Valley in Oregon, the monks quietly go about producing some of the most delicious candy in the world. They blend the finest quality ingredients including real chocolate, fresh dairy butter, real cream, the freshest nuts, and real flavors. Their Gourmet Confections have received hundreds of accolades from candy experts and customers alike. Numerous journalistic outlets, including the ABC Nightly News, CNN, Town and Country Magazine, Bon Appetit, People magazine, US News and World Report, Chocolatier, and The New York Times have featured their candy.

So remember to save me a Chocolate Amaretto Royale Truffle when you order from: The Brigittine Monks - Priory of Our Lady of Consolation 23300 Walker Lane Amity, Oregon 97101  (fudge@brigittine.org).

And here you thought I was going to expostulate on Swedish meatballs! 

Mr. Screwtape

Angeli et amici: Salvete!

Nota Bene: One, after many moons of persistent pleading petitions, has finally deigned to "blog". Therefore, as an informal initiation, one reproduces an introductory "e-pistle" from a few years ago. 

Salutations, felicitations and welcome to another annoyingly alliterative silly semester of Screwtape’s Select Seminary for the Sanctification of Souls. This humble little e-postolate originated as little zany zingers for a small group of pretty pious daily communicants so-called and styled as “Angels”; soon it expanded to others who were neither particularly prayerful nor pulchritudinous such as presbyters. As an aside, one has been told that these e-pistles have even been enjoyed by eminent ecclesiastical eyes in the Eternal City . Described delightfully (or is it, denounced decidedly) by some as “Saturday Night Live from the Vatican”, this little altar boy simply labors to share the treasures and beauties of the One, Holy, Catholic and Apostolic Church outside of which there is no salvation, which was founded by Our Blessed Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ, the Eternally Begotten Second Person of the Blessed Trinity Incarnate for our Redemption and shepherded by the Vicar of Christ, our Holy Father, the Pope, with the treasures and beauties (that is, guys and gals) who are members of that same Mystical Body of Christ, the Church.

So therefore, in our own souls, of those close to us either by duty or devotion, of those Divine Providence so disposes to disclose, let the Kingdom of God daily be built and even rebuilt. “Quaerite autem primum regnum et iustitiam eius et omnia haec adicientur vobis. Nolite ergo esse solliciti in crastinum crastinus enim dies sollicitus erit sibi ipse sufficit diei malitia sua” “Seek ye therefore first the kingdom of God , and his justice, and all these things shall be added unto you. Be not therefore solicitous for tomorrow; for the morrow will be solicitous for itself. Sufficient for the day is the evil thereof.” 

Or, as someone once said, “Carpe Diem!”

Mr. Screwtape