Angeli et amici: In festo S. Andreae Apostoli

When one was a diminutive dimpled, sweetly shy, round-cheek, bright smiling, milk-chocolate-melt-your-heart-puppy-dog-eyes, little lad there was a name that already had been indelibly etched into the creative consciousness that is contained in a cute child's cranium: Andrew Carnegie. From the well stocked shelves of the local branch of the New York Public Library to the sweet strains of classical music in Carnegie Hall to the sponsorship of local PBS programming on Channel 13 the indefatigable immigrant from Scotland immanently influenced an infant imagination. Crotchety Celts and beautiful babies in the same thought can only mean that its Latha Naomh Anndra, Saint Andrew's Day.  

But we must leave realm of the Highlanders and travel to the Continent in order to cull the deeply devout devotions (or is it supremely silly superstitions?) towards the Apostle known as Prōtoklētos (First-Called) whose name in Greek means "manly". (Are we seeing a pattern here yet?) In parts of Germany, Austria, the Czech Republic, Slovakia, Poland, Russia and Romania, the belief exists that the night before St. Andrew's Day is specially suitable time that reveals a young woman's future husband. Many related customs exist: for example, the pouring of hot lead into water (in Poland, one usually pours hot wax from a candle through a key hole into cold water), divining the future husband's profession from the shape of the resulting piece. In some areas in Austria, young women would drink wine and then recite a supplication, called Andreasgebet (Saint Andrew's prayer).  Yet another custom was to throw a clog over one's shoulder: if it lands pointing to the door, the woman will get married in the same year. In some parts of the Czech Republic and Slovakia, young women would write down the names of potential husbands  on little pieces of paper and stick these into little pieces of dough, called Halusky. When cooked, the first one to float to the surface of the water would reveal the name of their future husband. In Poland, some women put pieces of paper (on which they have written potential husbands) under the pillow and first thing in the morning they take one out, which allegedly reveals their future husband. In Romania, it is customary for young women to put forty-one grains of wheat beneath their pillow before they go to sleep, and if they dream that someone is coming to steal their grains that means that they are going to get married next year. Also in some other parts of the country the young women light a candle from Easter and bring it, at midnight, to a fountain and they ask St. Andrew to let them glimpse their future husband.

Now all these inane imprecations are ersatz enough to make one a wee bit thirsty. While ye Lassies are figurin' out which kooky custom will give ye yer best shot a homing in on a holy hunny, me and th' Laddies will meander over ta Loch Lomond and celebrate Saunt Andra with a dram o' scotch.

Ouch! You're supposed to throw the shoe towards the door, not me! 

Mr. Screwtape

Angeli et amici: In festo S. Catharinae Virginis et Martyris

According to myriad medieval manuscripts St. Catherine, a member of the original super powered squad known as the Fourteen Holy Helpers, was a brilliantly bright young woman of birth noble who went before his imperious Imperator Maximinus to quietly correct him for worshiping ersatz eternals and to unabashedly upbraid him for his pernicious persecution of Christians. Some of his incredibly inscrutable scholars and famously fine philosophers were canonically commissioned to definitively debate our holy heroine but she ended up confounding and converting many of them, so they were painfully put to death and Catherine was beaten and jailed. The Emperor's good wife, interestingly intrigued by Catherine, went to visit her with the leader of the Emperor's troops. They, too, (naturally) were converted and (of course) put to death. Then came Catherine's turn; she was condemned to die on the wheel, but when she touched it, it suddenly shattered. Exasperated Max had her beheaded. Legend says that the angels carried her body to Mt. Sinai, where a monastery under her patronage was established and flourishes to this day under the care of Orthodox monks. Over 1,100 years following her martyrdom, St. Catherine was identified as one of the Saints who appeared and counselled, along with St. Margaret and St. Michael, St. Joan of Arc.  Now for the fun stuff......On St. Catherine's Day, the twenty fifth of November, it is quaintly customary for unmarried women to pray for husbands, and to honor women who've reached 25 years of age but haven't married -- called "Catherinettes" in France. Catherinettes send postcards to each other, and friends of the Catherinettes make hats for them - traditionally using the colors yellow (faith) and green (wisdom), often outlandishly outrageous - and crown them for the day. Pilgrimage is made to St. Catherine's statue, and she is asked to intercede in finding husbands for the unmarried lest they "don St. Catherine's bonnet" and become spinsters. The Catherinettes are supposed to wear the hat all day long, and they are usually feted with a meal among friends. Because of this hat-wearing custom, French milliners have big parades to show off their wares on this day. The French say that before a girl reaches 25, she prays: "Donnez-moi, Seigneur, un mari de bon lieu! Qu'il soit doux, opulent, libéral et agréable!" (Lord, give me a well-situated husband. Let him be gentle, rich, generous, and pleasant!") After 25, she prays: "Seigneur, un qui soit supportable, ou qui, parmi le monde, au moins puisse passer!" (Lord, one who's bearable, or who can at least pass as bearable in the world!") And when she's pushing 30: "Un tel qu'il te plaira Seigneur, je m'en contente!" ("Send whatever you want, Lord; I'll take it!"). An English version goes, "St Catherine, St Catherine, O lend me thine aid. And grant that I never may die an old maid." And for pious pyromaniacs there is the Catherine Wheel which is a type of firework consisting of a powder-filled spiral tube, mounted with a pin through its center. When lit it rotates quickly, producing a dazzling display of spectacular sparks and captivating colored flame. Now, now Ladies, pretty please put those matches down..... I only relate the old legends, I don't always endorse them.... Really...... Mr. Screwtape

Angei et amici: In festo B. Mariae Virginis Divinae Providentiae Matris, Sabbato ante Dominica III Novembris

Back in the bad old days when the East Village was a dangerous place to grow up but still a neighborhood to raise a family, a little lad six years old, maybe six and a half, first had his heart stolen. She was a vivacious brunette, perhaps auburn if memory serves one correctly, with round bright eyes and an infectious smile. Her name was "Provi", short for Providencia the patroness of Puerto Rico.

The name and worship of Our Lady of the Divine Providence originated in Italy in the thirteenth century. It was a very popular devotion which later passed to Spain, where a shrine was built in Tarragona, Catalonia. When Gil Esteve Tomas, a Catalan, was named bishop of Puerto Rico, he brought with him this devotion which he had become acquainted with during his seminary years. The bishop had to place his diocese in the hands of Divine Providence, for he found the cathedral nearly in ruins and the finances of the diocese in similar condition. The bishop's trust and work bore fruit quickly; in less than five years the cathedral church had been restored, and immediately worship of the Virgin of Providence was established there. The original image, venerated by the Servants of Mary, and other Italian religious orders and saints, was a beautiful oil painting in which the Virgin is shown with the Divine Child sleeping peacefully in her arms. The title "Of Divine Providence" has been attributed to St. Philip Benicio, fifth superior of the Servants of Mary. On a day when his friars had nothing to eat, having invoked the help of the Virgin, he found, at the door of the convent, two baskets full of food whose origin could not be found. The image that Don Gil Esteve ordered was carved in Barcelona according to the prevailing taste. It is a handsome seated figure, made to be dressed, and it was in the cathedral sixty-seven years, until 1920 when it was replaced by a magnificent all wood carving, which is the image of Our Lady of Divine Providence most familiar and best known to the Puerto Rican communities. Mary leans over the Child, who in an attitude of complete trust sleeps peacefully on her lap. The Virgin's hands are folded in prayer while she gently supports her Son's left hand. The whole carving suggests tenderness, abandonment, devotion and peace. Pope Paul VI, by a decree signed on November 19, 1969, declared Our Lady Mother of Divine Providence principal patroness of the island of Puerto Rico. In this document it was also decreed that the Virgin's solemnity be transferred from January 2 to November 19, the day that the island was discovered. The intention was to join together the two great loves of the Puerto Ricans: love of their gorgeous island and love for the Mother of God.

With humble and happy heart one sincerely shares a pious project to promote "La Providencia": On Saturday, November 17th The Society of Saint Hugh of Cluny invites you to the First Annual Hispanic Heritage Pilgrimage In Honor Of Our Lady of Divine Providence Patroness of Puerto Rico. Solemn Mass in the Extraordinary Form at 10 AM at The Church of Saint Catherine of Genoa Between Amsterdam & Broadway 506 West 153rd Street New York, NY 10031 Followed by a visit to The Hispanic Society of America located on Audubon Terrace, Broadway between 155 and 156 Streets.

To get back to the top of this e-pistle.......a Catholic gentleman would never kiss and tell!

Mr. Screwtape