The third of January is a green letter day in Sister Screwtape’s Select Seminary for the Sanctification of Souls as it is the name day of an original esteemed recipient of these eccentric e-pistles.
The Legend of the Patron Saint of the city of Paris indicates that as a young maiden she was consecrated to the Lord Christ by the holy Germanus, bishop of Auxerre and that through the ardent supplications of the pious Virgin the barbaric forces of the so-called Scourge of God and his Huns were repelled. Similarly the subject of this roast, sorry I really meant to say “toast”, was dedicated to the will of Divine Providence by means of The Holy Hunny Discernment Novena by the bearded boy bishop of Ten Eleven therefore she is in joyful felicity addressed with the appellation of Matron (and may she happily persist in said state for many more decades since among the many admirable qualities of her Prince, who hopefully by this time is able to distinguish between a numismatic representation of the Father of Occidental Monasticism and the Father of our Country, is numbered that fact that he is a great cook!) and in this Autumn just passed she and her dashing groom joyfully brought a blessed bundle to the regenerative waters of a hallowed font that is much storied (included in that number is an annoyingly alliterative acolyte).
Also in imitation of her holy patroness, the emerald eyed seraph is in the forefront of the rogational resistance to the impious inheritors of the malicious mantle of Attila, which, in the month of the god with two faces viz. Janus, means the supremely sorrowful fortieth anniversary of an infamous intervention of the supreme black-robed platonic guardians of this land that all true children of Holy Mother Church in virtue of the sacrament of Confirmation wherein the Third Person of the Blessed Trinity has constituted them the Church Militant have an imperative duty to defy.
So as we begin this new year that was not prognosticated by poor pagan Mayans, remembering that our true homeland is the celestial Jerusalem and that we are passing through a valley of tears, don’t forget to enjoy that second slice of name day chocolate cake!
Mr. Screwtape
